Try this when you're judging 🫣 how you feel
I hope you've had a good summer so far - with moments of rest, true relaxation, and connection with the people you love the most.
Taking a break from my Outgrow the Grind podcast has been wonderful. It's made space for me to really slow down, visit dear friends, and be deadline-free for a bit.
Some of my favorite moments so far:
A fun visit with my partner who works in another state during the summer
Watching my dear friends get married in Oregon wine country
A free Cat Power concert in Golden Gate Park with another fave friend!
Catching up with a favorite friend who got married and had a baby during the pandemic
Aaaaaaaaand, because I like to keep it real with you, the spaciousness has also made way for big emotions that I wasn't feeling as much when I was busier.
I'm talkin' BIG emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, envy... and then sometimes an even bigger does of judgment about those feelings.
I actually said to a friend the other day, "I'm feeling fragile and I don't want to be - I don't have time to be fragile right now!"
You and I [and ⬆️ Judge Judy] know that judging ourselves or trying to rush past what we're feeling isn't helpful.
And, sometimes it can be tricky to catch!
Our brains are so fast and are wired to quickly make meaning out of our thoughts and feelings. And most of the time, that meaning is fear-based because it wants to keep us safe.
So the next time you find yourself in the self-judgment swirl 🌀 [and you realize it!], might I suggest the following recipe...
When feelings show up in your body that you're judging or that you wish would just disappear, pause. Take a deep breath. Oh wow, she's going on my dream vacation for twice as long as I could ever afford. Sheesh, must be nice! Uggg, I'm such a jerk for envying her vacation - what's wrong with me?! Ohhhh... I'm judging my feelings again - I need to slow down and take a deep breath.
Identify what the feeling or feelings are. I'm feeling a lot of envy right now. [PS if you're feelings-curious, watch or read Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart! She explores 87 emotions and experiences and even shares how jealousy is different from envy.]
Tune in to your body. Where are you feeling it? I feel tense in my neck and shoulders. It feels like my heart is beating faster. My palms feel sweaty too.
What information is this strong feeling telling you? I really do need a vacation. And not a "vacation" where I'm checking emails and still seeing clients because "I can work anywhere" - that doesn't give me enough time to rest. Now that I get how important a vacation is to me, I'm going to dream up a vacation for next year that I can plan and save for.
How can I be loving and compassionate with myself right here? You absolutely deserve a long [and true!] vacation in a place you love. It makes perfect sense that you're feeling the way you do. You're not wrong for feeling envy about this. We can start with some small steps to make this happen for you too.
Some inquiries for you to consider...
What impact does rushing past / judging / trying to ignore your feelings have on you?
How would you like to be with yourself when you feel this way?
As someone who spent a great big chunk of my life trying to "do" my way out of feelings (heck, I even moved states six times in 10 years to avoid how I was feeling underneath all my busyness), I get it.
I'd love to know what this brings up for you. Reply to this email and let me know.
With love,
Stacy
PS. Here's a bouquet I made with foraged flowers from my friend's yard in Oregon...
