To your big, caring heart.

Even though a lot of my coaching and workshop offerings help you set boundaries, I don't want you to change your big, caring heart.

I have a client, we'll call her Erica, who came to me in February hanging on by a thread.

She was exhausted and not sleeping well at night because of all that was on her plate.

She was responsible for leading her entire company at work and leading her family of four at home.

She is the most compassionate, loving, nurturing woman that anyone who knows her knows.

She's the kind of boss that sends flowers and a hot meal when someone in your family is sick.

Who remembers your birthday, and writes you a handwritten note.

And encourages you to take your vacation days and enjoy time with your family.

Who makes a week's worth of meals and volunteers as substitute dog-walker for her neighbor in need.

And...

She never bought herself flowers.

Or took her vacation time.

Or asked for help.

Or spoke up when someone at work or home didn't do what they said they'd do.

Because all of those things made her feel guilty.

And she'd answer work emails before work, after work, and on the weekends because she thought she had to.

When Erica and I started working together, I could sense that although she was excited about coaching, she was also afraid of losing the big-hearted, generous part of her that she's known and loved for.

And what I wanted her to know [which I also want you to know] is that:

Choosing to be compassionate with ourselves isn't selfish.

Gabor Maté, a Hungarian-Canadian physician and author, is the creator of Compassionate Inquiry.

In a live workshop in Vancouver that he led a few years ago, someone in the audience asked him about compassion fatigue.

He explained that compassion fatigue doesn’t exist.

As someone who worked in nonprofits from 15+ years, my ears perked up from his provocative statement.

He boldly stated, "If you’re fatigued, it’s not because of compassion. Compassion is part of our nature. For mammals to survive, compassion has to be part of our nature, it’s who we are."

And then he said, "What you get tired of is when the flow of compassion is only in one direction."

I got goosebumps from the truth in his statement.

He described it as a valve that lets compassion out but it keeps the compassion from coming back into you.

We get compassion fatigue when we have compassion for others but not for ourselves.

It's not your compassion that's making you tired, it's the lack of compassion towards yourself.

And that's exactly what Erica [and so many of my clients first] struggle with.

Lots of giving out, but no receiving in.

And what example does one-way compassion set for our children, our employees, or other women?

Our patriarchal culture wants us to believe that women's worth is defined by our ability to be helpful.

That the more we give, the more lovable we are.

Which means a lot of other people benefit from us putting ourselves last.

But what is this one-way compassion costing you?

And what if you could direct compassion in towards yourself without feeling guilty while also being compassionate out towards other people?

What might be possible then?

If you want to learn how to open the valve of compassion towards yourself too, join my upcoming women's circle.

We start on Thursday, September 22 at 7pm ET!

You'll learn how to tend to your own needs in a small and loving community of women who are also big-hearted givers. The flow of compassion will be both out AND in.

There is magic that occurs when the space holders and givers allow themselves to be held and receive support too.

Ashley, one of the participants in my first women's circle shared, "Stacy has done an incredible job curating a safe and beautiful space for us to show up and be vulnerable, which has allowed us to realize that we're all going through such similar things and aren't nearly as alone as we thought."

Applications are due tomorrow night at midnight, so the time to apply is now.