Your big heart is beautiful.
Even though a good portion of my coaching and women's circle helps you set boundaries, I don't want you to lose your big, beautiful heart.
I have a client, we'll call her Amanda, who was hanging on by a thread when she found me.
She was exhausted and not getting near enough sleep because of all that was on her plate.
She was responsible for leading her entire company at work and leading her family of five at home.
She's the most compassionate, loving, nurturing woman that anyone who knows her knows.
She's the kind of boss that sends flowers and a hot meal when someone in your family is sick.
She remembers your birthday, and writes you a handwritten note.
And encourages you to take your vacation days and enjoy time with your family.
Who makes a week's worth of meals and volunteers as substitute dog-walker for a neighbor in need.
And...
She never bought herself flowers.
Or took her vacation time.
Or asked for help.
Or spoke up when someone at work or home didn't do what they said they'd do.
Because those things made her feel guilty.
She'd answer her work emails before work, after work, and on the weekends because she thought she had to.
When Amanda and I started working together, I could sense that although she was excited about coaching, she was also afraid of losing the big-hearted, generous part of her that she's most known and loved for.
And what I wanted her [and you] to know is that:
Being compassionate with yourself isn't selfish.
Gabor Maté, a Hungarian-Canadian physician and author, is the creator of Compassionate Inquiry.
In a live workshop in Vancouver a few years ago, someone asked him about compassion fatigue.
He explained that compassion fatigue doesn’t exist.
As someone who worked in nonprofits for 15+ years, my ears [and eyebrows!] perked up hearing his provocative statement.
He said, "If you’re fatigued, it’s not because of compassion. Compassion is part of our nature. For mammals to survive, compassion has to be part of our nature, it’s who we are."
And then he said, "What you get tired of is when the flow of compassion is only in one direction."
I got goosebumps from the piercing truth in his statement.
He described compassion fatigue as a valve that lets compassion out but keeps the compassion from coming back into you.
We get compassion fatigue when we have compassion for others but not for ourselves.
It's not your compassion that's making you tired, it's your lack of compassion towards yourself.
And that's exactly what Amanda [and so many of my clients] struggle with when they decide to work with me.
Lots of giving out, but no receiving in.
And what example does one-way compassion set for our children, our employees, or other women?
Our patriarchal culture wants us to believe that a women's worth is defined by how helpful we are.
That the more we give, the more lovable we are.
Which means A LOT of other people benefit from us putting ourselves last.
But what is this one-way compassion costing YOU?
And what if you could direct compassion in towards yourself without feeling guilty while also being compassionate out towards other people?
What might be possible then?
If you want to learn how to open the valve of compassion towards yourself too, join my upcoming women's circle.
We start on Tuesday, June 11th at 7pm ET!
You'll learn how to tend to your own needs in a small and loving community of women who are also big-hearted givers.
The flow of compassion in the women's circle is both out AND in.
There is a magic that occurs when the space holders and givers allow themselves to be held and receive support too.
Jessica, one of the participants in my first women's circle shared, "I feel empowered and more in control. There is always something to take away and apply to my life from the other women in the circle. When other women have the same goals and mindset, it really feels like you've got someone in your corner.”
Applications are Monday, June 10th at midnight ET, so the time to apply is now.
Wishing you a soul-nourishing weekend,
Stacy
PS. If there's a woman in your world who wants to outgrow the grind of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and proving their worth by how hard she works, I'd be so grateful if you shared the women's circle by tagging her in the comments! It could be a massive gift from you to share this opportunity with her and a very appreciated gift from you to support to me and my business. Thank you in advance for helping me reach the women that most need this!
