How to be gentle with yourself
I know that my clients and I can't be the only ones who need and want to be more gentle with ourselves right now.
There are so many people in deep pain and heartbreak in the world.
I think of this excerpt from warsan shire's poem "what they did yesterday afternoon"...
later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.
How can we be gentle with ourselves when so many people are suffering?
How can we not?
The more we can witness and love ourselves, the more we can witness and love each other.
"If you are falling apart: Your breathlessness is not a sign of your weakness, but of your strength.
Of how deeply you feel the horror, how deeply you care.
You still feel.
And that matters in a world that wants us to feel nothing.
Who can feel it with you?
Breath with you?
Opening our hearts to grief -- others' and our own -- is how we hold our humanity in a world that would destroy it.
Can we stretch our hearts beyond what was previously imaginable?
We must if there is to be a world."
-Valarie Kaur, author of See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love
We are so trained to keep going, to be productive, to "push through" at all costs.
In a lot of ways, staying busy is an intelligent coping mechanism - the busier we are, the less time and space we have to feel our emotions.
I know this strategy very well.
Yes, I can respond to that text/email/message immediately!
Yes, I can join that meeting!
Yes, I'll volunteer for that project!
Yes, I'll take another workshop on that!
But the more that I pile on myself, the harder my emotions work to get my attention.
Sometimes in the form of a sudden headache, or waking up at 3am, a heavy resentment in my gut, or tears that refuse to be held in.
When this happens, I can take it as more evidence of what's going wrong. [And sometimes I do].
Or, I can allow myself to be gentle.
Go slower.
Stop pushing.
Care for the most sensitive part of me like I would a small child.
Say no.
Go for a walk outside and reconnect with your five senses.
Rest more.
Give myself space to ask what's wrong, to listen to the answer, and to feel what I've been trying to avoid.
How do you allow yourself to be gentle with yourself?
I'd love to know what helps you. Reply to this message if you'd like to share.
And if you need some step-by-step guidance and inspiration for being more gentle with yourself, visit this post by Yumi Sakugawa ("How to hold compassionate space for yourself when you are experiencing heavy, difficult, complicated emotions")
This blog post by Morgan Harper Nichols' may also inspire you...
You are free
to slow down
and truly feel.
To have a tender heart.
You are free to be strong
and embrace gentleness
as an integral part
of who you are.
-Morgan Harper Nichols
I wish you more moments of gentle kindness with yourself this week.
With love,
Stacy
PS. One way of being more gentle with ourselves is to choose to be seen in a safe and supportive community of women. In one week, I'm hosting my friend Kellita's free workshop called "From the Inside Out: from hiding to safe + joyful emergence... as YOU!" It's a 90-minute watch party and mini-class on Wednesday, November 1st at 8pm ET. If you're curious about embodiment exercises or you've wondered what "conscious burlesque" means, join us. Reserve your spot here. Kellita is the woman who led my Burlesque adventures in May and August.
PPS. We went for a hike this past weekend and I was excited to share this special leaf with you (scroll down to the bottom of this email). It reminds me of lyrics from one of my favorite songs on the Forrest Gump soundtrack that I'd play on repeat in 5th grade: "What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of."
A heart-shaped leaf in Tallulah Gorge State Park
